October 18, 2024
Crown Snatched
The Tragicomedy of a Sore Loser Pageant Queen
October 18, 2024
Crown Snatched
The Tragicomedy of a Sore Loser Pageant Queen
Ah, pageantry — the world where spray tans glisten like fresh lacquer and smiles are whiter than the lies contestants tell about how much they “just love the other girls.” It’s a delicate balancing act of beauty, grace, and total passive aggression. And yet, every so often, one queen takes losing so badly, she’s determined to prove to the world that hell hath no fury like a woman in stilettos who came in second.
Meet Jessica Leigh, the undisputed queen of side-eye and passive-aggressive Instagram captions. After months of rehearsing her graceful “oops, I didn’t win” face in the mirror (you know, the one where the tear-filled eyes barely twitch, but the lip quivers just enough to show some human emotion), she was ready for her crowning moment. Unfortunately, the crown found its home on someone else’s perfectly coiffed head.
Cue the unraveling.
The moment her name was called as runner-up — a phrase that makes her wince to this day — Jessica’s inner monologue became a full-blown Shakespearean tragedy. “Me? Second? As in…not first? As in, ‘You ALMOST had it, sweetheart, but not quite?’” You could see it in her eyes: a dangerous mix of disbelief, rage, and the exact moment she vowed revenge on everyone within a 10-foot radius.
Her smile stayed plastered in place — for about five seconds. But the second the cameras panned away? Our girl yanked that bouquet of cheap carnations right out of the runner-up’s hand like she was Carrie at prom.
Jessica’s Meltdown Playbook:
Cry, but with eyeliner that’s “accidentally” waterproof. There’s an art to this. You want the emotion, but not the streaks. She nailed it. Her makeup stayed flawless while the tears trickled down just enough for sympathy, but not so much that anyone suspected she wasn’t genuine.
Post a passive-aggressive Instagram caption: “Winning isn’t about crowns. It’s about how you handle losing 💕 #Humble #NotLikeOtherGirls #StayClassy.” (All while positioning herself so that the first-place winner was awkwardly cropped out of the group photo.)
Refuse to acknowledge the real winner by name. “Well, congratulations to her, I guess. What was her talent again? Juggling? Oh… tap dancing? So brave.”
Throwing subtle shade in interviews. Asked how she felt about the judges’ decision, Jessica sweetly replied, “Oh, it’s not about the judging. It’s more about… taste. Some people just don’t have it.”
Jessica’s post-pageant career has since become a whirlwind of sour grapes and heavy crown envy. She’s taken up influencing, obviously, where her captions are full of positive vibes (“You don’t need validation from judges who clearly weren’t paying attention 💅”) and endorsements for teeth whiteners (because she’s “smiling through it all, even the haters”).
Rumor has it she’s trying her hand at coaching now — giving young hopefuls lessons in not taking things personally(ironic, right?). Her biggest tip? “Always have a second gown in case you need a quick exit. Also, pack tissues. And a voodoo doll.”
In the end, the crown may have slipped through her perfectly manicured fingers, but one thing’s for sure: Jessica Leigh will never let you forget that she was this close to greatness. And by “this close,” she means “way more deserving than whoever actually won.” Stay gracious, sweetie.
Creative Direction: Adrián Cuerdo, Marina Del Mar
Photography: Adrián Cuerdo
Talent: Mariamawit Daniel, Aistė Lingyte, Lucci Garcia
Hair & Make up: Vicent Guijarro
Styling: Marina Del Mar, Maria Psota